Wednesday, August 19, 2009

is this what balance looks like?

12 comments:

Alice said...

i promised a not too confusing update. i'm not sure what the heck i'm thinking trying to do this today of all days, but i'm a woman of my word, so i'm going to try this despite my better judgement regarding how not-sound i feel at the moment.

many of you were confused by the posting i did last weekend so i'm going to do this concisely and try not to add anything sarcastic, irreverent or silly. just put it out there, without a spin.

there is some good news too so don't despair.

last week during our last visit to the AMC (dr. Q's ) she was at the point where she wanted to do a biopsy or aspirate it. she and i had a long talk about the options of such findings and none of them were good. i decided since surgery wasn't an option given her opinion as well as the surgeon at the facility i wouldn't put him through any more invasive things just to ease my curiosity about what is going on with him. in other words i don't want to know if this is an aggressive cancer or a slow cancer, it can't be removed so why not focus on it not being cancer at all. there is no conclusive evidence that it is cancer, so for now i want to think as postively as impossible as that is at times and try to get another opinion.

either we continue to treat this the best we can and improve his quality of life or we do more poking and prodding and cutting and removing all just to complicate everything else like peeing for example. the thought of this bunny suffering anymore or dying in the hospital is not something i can support. i'd rather get him to the mountains and hopefully improve his spirits enough that he has a chance of letting himself heal a little bit on his own, and if not trust him to do what he needs to do. or at least feel like what it feels like to be a bunny again. ie running jumping breathing and being happy if only for an afternoon. it's better than him dying in some concrete jungle after being stuck in traffic for the last three months. of course i hope it's more than an afternoon, but truly i want nothing more at this point to remind him of all his glory and maybe just maybe if he can get happy again and get to playing again we will see a turn around. at this point he is so lethargic from the heat and the crammed quarters that his lack of movement isn't helping his intestines any at all.

Alice said...

so we went to our old vet upstate. he is not at all thinking this is cancer, but an incredibly nasty infection. he gave me a bunch of syringes full of penicillin. i couldn't do the injections. i took him back upstate for an injection since i couldn't find anyone to help me. the car ride was too much for fats. it has taken me three days now to get just a little bit of food in him and water is being rejected. i'm force feeding him and force fluiding him.

tonight was the first night since friday i have seen a little pile of poops in his box raather than a few scattered here or there. so he is starting to snap to. with this heat here in jersey i'm not going to be putting him in the car again during the day, he's hating it and i do not blame him. i feel helpless, it's supposed to be close to 100 degrees here everyday until next tuesday with the heat index. but like i said he is finally pooping again! so that is my big exciting news!!

i'm doing all the standard stuff to get him going again but really it's just hot and he's uncomfortable and i think we're all ready to just throw in the proverbial towel. i found a lady to help with the injections, she came over sunday night but she couldn't do it either. so he's on oral antibiotics only that just may work, but it's too soon to tell.

i had an amazing conversation with a saint of a woman at a company who produces homeopathic remedies....i think that is their schtick. she is sending me some things that may work, but it could take up to two weeks to see any results.

the wonded area is going through a lot of changes and it's either great! meaning that all these newly developing bumps and growths that are now popping up are really just ways for him to expel toxins and his body is actively doing just that. or it is something bad. the tissue in and around the area looks to be a much better color and we are super duper hoping that this color reflects an overall healing that is hopefully happening.

there is also a chance that it is temporary from the meds that are masking what is really going on, like the metacam which is an anti inflammatory so it's getting less red and less inflamed but it's not getting better.

i feel every single time i get my hopes up and say something positive i get knocked so far back down to reality by some sort of jinxing it quality, so now i'm thinking maybe if i tell what's really happening, the good the bad and the ugly i can do some jinxing in another direction. this is really reaching far into superstition i know, but for now that's where i am.

Chris W. said...

Poor Fatty-fatty-fat-Fats...I hope he continues to improve (or at least stay as healthy as he is now). I send all the healthy-bunny mojo I can, and Kiwi and Lily send nose nudges of support.

Lorna said...

*vibes* for you and your warren! I'm lucky my fabuloso vet is just 20 mins away and will do house calls. I trekked Scout in to him twice a day for two weeks because I was too chicken to do Sub-Q.

Alice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alice said...

as i re-read this for all my usual you-aren't-making-any-sense-at-all-typos, i can't tell if i sound cold, calloused and defeated. i hope not. so many of you know me personally at this point that i assume a lot, but there are a lot of you who don't so for you i'd like to reassure you that you are not reading someone who is flippant. i just can't tell at all which is the correct action to take for this dearly beloved creature but i know i have to put this into some sort of perspective that gives me some sort of clarity to try to make some pretty big decisions with. i'm fading, i'm confused, i'm starting to doubt and the sorrow part of this is kicking my ass but the LAST thing i am, is giving up, i am not giving up!

so please for those of you who do not 'know' me, know this, i would AND i will, do WHATEVER it takes to help this bunny. he is my best friend. i'm just so not sure what that 'help' is, or what it looks like or how it is coming, and from where or what is right or what is wrong or what is anything...does that make sense? if not i don't know what else or how else to say it now.

Lorna said...

When you look into Fats' eyes you'll know what HE wants. It sounds to me if he wants to live, so you do your part and help him. When he's had enough, he'll let you know.

Crafty Green Poet said...

oh poor Fats, I do hope he gets better ..... it can be so difficult to know what's right for a bunny, they are such fragile creatures and you really do want to avoid invasive treatment where you can, we had such problems knowing what to do for the best for Anya when she was ill....

Michelle (Shell) May said...

Thinking of you today and wondering if it the move to green pastures day? If so... safe travels. Wish I was there to help you.

You are doing everything you can. Most people would have given up a long time ago. Good things are coming. Clear skys, fresh air, happy days, happy bunnies.

Hugs,
shell

d. moll, l.ac. said...

Time for good luck, I think.

Lisa said...

OH, Alice. Congrats on the good news, and as far as the bad news, I say ignore it if you can. It'll only make you more upset which doesn't help the bunnies any more.

and BTW, what an exceptional photo of Nuage! Good work.

Violet Lilac M. said...

oh, wow, I sure hope Fats starts getting better veeerrrry soon! I will keep praying for him, and for you, I know it would be really hard for me if something like this happened to Violet.

Get well soon, Fats!!

Shannon