Wednesday, February 10, 2010

a star is born.



sorry about the scantily clad part, i'm hoping everyone has seen a woman in a slip before and you aren't too appalled. i'm including this one because i do believe this is the first ever fats photo....and i didn't take it! obviously. kelly merchant was the first one to photograph him/us. she came to my yard sale and saw that i had bunnies and wanted to bring over a bunch of vintage clothes and do a photo shoot of me and the buns. twist my arm kelly!

http://kellymerchant.com

i love looking back at this day and remembering how much fun it was. even then, fats was less than a year old he had his little paw on my leg as if to let it be known that this was HIS mama and he's going to always protect me.

when remove myself and observe the grieving process, i've been amazed about a lot of it. the first week it wasn't real. i had plenty of fits of tears, but nothing like what i expected. in the last month or so, anticipating his possible departure, to be honest i truly had no idea how i'd survive it. in the sorrow of it all and watching myself function i knew he was protecting me. posting the other day about him and going through some archives of videos to find unseen footage was much more than i was ready for but i'd like to really thank you all for helping and loving and remembering him the way you have. it DOES transform the pain.

maybe it's just that feeling blocked or scared keeps one stagnant. i've been so scared to open this experience up to the blogging world, so scared of how crippling making the post about him felt, so scared of how much i knew it was going to hurt that i hadn't been able to do it. now that i've done it and had the biggest cry yet, i think it's (his death) getting real finally. and with that finality comes a certain knowingness that just like you all say, his spirit is still here. it's not just with me, it's with all of us. i keep reaching down to pet him just in case he's a furry little ghost at my ankles and in my limited 'state' i simply can not see him. you can do it too, he's probably visiting all of us now that he isn't confined to his body. nuage looks up in this weird way to one particular corner of the cabin and doesnt' move. this is new, he's fixated, i really do think he sees something that i don't.

by the way bells and nuage have basically been doing their best rendition of cirque du soleil and truly are living proof that you just can't be depressed around a bunny.

10 comments:

Christina said...

This is a lovely photo. I hope this is helping you. I know that blogging helps me to heal a bit, I am sure its not the same for everyone. Fats was an exceptional bunny. We love them all but sometimes we find our furry soulmates. Then they take of piece of our souls when they go. I have no doubt Fat's spirit is stopping in to visit. I hope he comes by my place too!

Lisee said...

I'm pretty sure I saw Fats here in Brooklyn today making snow angels. Too bad I didn't have my camera.

tamara said...

I'd love to know how Fats came into your life, and how he got his name.

I like that Fats lives in my brain. Wish that I had gotten to meet him in person (bunson?), but just knowing him over the internet is such a joy.

It tickles to have Fats in one's brain.

bunnygirl said...

I like this picture - Fats looks like he was a joy to hold.

tfangel said...

Bunnies are the best antidepressant.

He looks so big in your arms! Hard to tell how big he is most of the pictures.

Julie said...

Oh, this isn't the first time I've seen a scantily clad woman wearing bright green pumps and sporting long red dreadlocks and a wistful, faraway expression while holding an angora rabbit out in the forest. ;-)

These photos are so lovely!

Lisa said...

I miss your beautful red dreadlocks! As always, my respects to the talented Ms. Merchant.

Cuddlebunny. Thats all I can say about the photo itself.

Isn't it amazing how bunnies have the uncanny ability to lighten the mood? Whenever I'm sad, mine do something completely ridiculous to keep me laughing... You're so lucky you have Bells and Nuage to get you through this difficult time.

Michelle (Shell) May said...

The time came. I knew you would know when it would be right. In your heart you would know. You did good. It's beautiful....
shell

From: The Bunny "Hutters" said...

Beautiful picture! A wonderful bun! a piece of him will live in all of our hearts now! Thank you!

furrybutts said...

I'm a little slow catching up on news lately.. I'm so very sorry Fats' journey in the mortal world has come to an end. I may only have known him through the internet but I'm sitting here with teary eyes. Fats will forever be remembered. Binky free, big guy..